Personality

Image by Giuseppe Bognanni; CC license Attribution

I have a super addictive personality. In my time I have been addicted to (yay lists! not complete):

• grilled cheese sandwiches
• cocaine
• methamphetamine
• cigarettes
• people (lovers, friends, celebrities)
• alcohol
• cacti (not ingesting, but learning everything I can about them)
• caffeine
• television shows (Buffy, Battlestar Galactica, Star Trek)
• sleeping
• Linux
  

This list illustrates the different types of additions that one can have. Sure, there's booze and coke and meth and smokes which are the "traditional" substance-type addiction. Then there's behavioural addiction (similar to "soft" addiction, except it can really hurt you) where one has a compulsion to do an activity. And of course soft addiction - I can watch season two of BG over and over and over and damn does it ever annoy my roommates. But it doesn't really hurt me at all (except a tiny bit socially, but everyone has their quirks, right?) When I slept for almost two weeks straight, getting up only to pee and maybe drink some water - yea, there was something wrong there.

I guess it's the difference between interest and compulsion, preference and requirement, want and need. I think I've always had a hard time seperating the two into little boxes, instead it's like all the yarn in my knitting drawer. I need what I want right now. Add stubbornness (problem!)

In a round about way, I think it's a problem with self-satisfaction. I look to things to make me happy, because I can't make myself happy. Then once these external things start paying out the happiness, it's go time. Why can't I be happy with myself?

Why not?

" I am a valuable human being and love myself just the way that I am "

"I do not need anything or anyone else because I am wonderful the way I am "

" I love myself and the world; this draws love to me "

" I am interesting and interested in myself "

W.I.

Overwhelmed

Image by Rennet Stowe ; CC Attribution license

Reliving li(v)es from past drug abuse. Attempting to quit smoking (for the nth time). Supporting partner with alcoholism recovery. Watching videogames replace life experience. Witness to fitness dominating all. Food as god, demon, lover and tormentor. Trying to deal. Trying to deal. Trying to deal. Trying, trying, trying.

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a circle. One thing is replaced by another. Nothing changes, patterns repeat. I'm not the only one either: I see friends and family in their own little mouse wheels of different colours and different speeds, but we're all going around and around.

I hadn't cried for almost a year and this weekend put an end date on my record. We're going to work it out. He is going to (has) quit drinking. What do I do now? How do I help him stay strong, keep true to myself and show him that I appreciate his hard work, love him - without wounding, digging, rubbing in pain?

The Female Partner of the Recovering Male Alcoholic - a study looking at effectiveness of treatments; pro-behavioural therapy; feminism and female roles; codependency; one case-study

Yahoo! Answers - I'm dating a recovering alcoholic... - support suggestions, one very very good response from a recovered alcoholic; pro-AA; again addressing codependency; fabulous quote:

" So my answer to your question, "anything else I can do to be supportive", is...take care of yourself; put the focus off him (let him do that himself) and do what you need for yourself to stay healthy. "

Okay, then. Project for this week: take care of self. It is not hard. I can be whelmed, rather than over-. Just one week of be sure to do these things.

1. Run a couple times this week. Let's say, three.
2. Take a bitchin' awesome bath. Salts and candles and music, the whole kaboodle.
   
3. Go to bed early at least once to get the full 8hrs sleep.
4. Wear a bright and beautiful outfit that makes me feel awesome at least once.
5. Take time to read a book I love.

And this still makes me happy:

W.I.