Omnomnomnom

It took me so long to love food. But man, I love food. I used to go a really long time without eating at all. Initially it was about image issues, then serious lack of means issues, then a serious lack of interest issues. A lot of the habits that I developed during these times have stuck around, but that doesn't change the fact that food is delicious and I want everyone to eat it.

My food/cooking habits:

• accessible - I will not trek across town for groceries, farmers markets or restaurants without a very good reason (and must fit within remaining criteria)
• inexpensive - I will not pay more than $20 for olive oil. I won't pay more than $5 for olive oil. I am a proud skinflint and have found awesome ways around paying a lot of money for most things. (This criteria is void on occasions such as birthdays, anniversaries and days when I want to make Duder or myself feel special.)
• efficient - should not take much longer than 30 min to make complete meal and the kitchen or cooking area will be completely clean by the end of that time as well
• savory - copious use of bulk chopped garlic, kosher salt, caramelized onions and spices like thyme and sage
• compact - lots of food in not much space

I think it is really important to figure out how one's habits and style will affect cooking. I had a really awesome conversation with a friend last night about how they only ever eat out, hate cooking at home and have three things in their fridge (I looked, it was all snacks.) They eat healthy(ish) but want to save more money. I, being their resident cheap-ass, suggested this:

" find your staples "

Things you eat every day. Things you love to eat. Things that are super easy to cook. For me it's grilled-cheese-egg-in-a-basket sandwiches (it's exactly what it sounds like and wonderful), garlic and chicken soup (from broth) with vermicelli noodles, anything with yoghurt (I make my own $7 for 4L yay!), pasta with parmesan and a bit of olive oil, blanched and broiled asparagus, and homemade bread. As we kept talking, we discovered the second suggestion:

" find your hang-ups "

Things that stop you from cooking. Things that stop you from eating the way you want to. My friend found that they hated the hassle of clean-up after, so we came up with the solution that they would pack away all of their dishes and utensils except for one set. That set would live in the sink. Then they would only ever have to clean one small set of dishes before or after meals and that was it. After living for a while with only one pot and one frying pan, I assure anyone, this is possible. After living for a while with neither of these things, I assure anyone, they are a luxury. This lead into my find suggestion:

" find your requirements "

How much you need to eat to survive. The tools you need to do it (not the same for everyone.) I have a tendency to not eat enough, not just due to my past, but also because I never really learned how much I needed. Then I needed to find out how I was going to cook - the actual physical tasks of cooking. A decent knife, a pot, a pan, measuring cups and spoons, etc. all depend on what the staples are, how adventurous one wants to get with food and what the budget is. I only bought a can opener last year because Duder couldn't figure out how to use my multi-tool to do it. Duder needed a can opener; I didn't.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Five Minutes a Day for Fresh Baked Bread is where the whole quick bread craze started. I am happy to be part of the craze because it's cost-effective, efficient and tastytasty. The website is a tad unweildy, but that's no reason to be discouraged, the concept and execution are awesome.

Bannock is survival bread. Bannock is simple. Bannock can save your ass living outside.

Super easy homemade yogurt is super easy. A couple of notes: I don't use a thermometer. I wait until the milk is steaming and bubbles are forming around the edges of the pot before I take it off heat. Then I wait about an hour, or until I can leave my finger in the milk without it hurting (count to 25 and your good,) until I pour it all into jars. I never use fancy mason jars, I just save every piece of glass that moves through my kitchen and make sure the lids don't disappear. These get re-used!

What's Your Favorite Quick and Simple Meal? Lifehacker asks for comments, so read through. Some great ideas.

What's Your Food Issue? Because yes, we all have them.

It's Not About Nutrition blog author interviewed by the Fooducate blog. Very interesting thoughts on the role of the parent in forming food habits.

Daily Needs Caluclator uses BMI to calculate daily caloric intake requirements. What one does with those numbers is up to the user: add more to gain weight, reduce some to lose weight, try to maintain to feel healthy. Plus they're just a guideline, everyone's system works a different way, but I still think it's good to have an idea.

Re-discovering food can be a huge incentive for recovery. I can taste chocolate and salt again. I've moved on from surviving off protein shakes during week-long meth benders. Duder learned he loves brie.

I mostly talk about eating more, because that's my perspective and experience. I've worked with some friends and family on eating too much (and the health problems that come with it,) but I don't have the personal emotional experience. The best advice I had to them was portion control. Eat a lot, just not all at once. Watch the salt, switch up the meats and try something new (although I like it when anyone does.)

Any other perspectives? Favorites and finds? Fears and foibles?

To be deleted

FY7FV33PAUFU

Intervention

Okay, so you're concerned. And someone else is in denial? So it's intervention time, right?

Ahahaha. No.

Whenever I'd needed help, it was impossible for me to accept it. Help was a form of judgement and control. Help meant giving up myself. Help meant letting go of all my dearly held "issues". Help was weak, and I was better than that.

I wasn't ready for an intervention. There was no way I would have accepted it and chances were I would have cut whoever was trying out of my life (at least until I got my shit back together [I'm so sorry, doll.]) What it really took was a horrendous series of event culminating in the sketched out revelation that

" this isn't fun anymore. was it ever? "

And it wasn't like:

Image by macieklew; via flickr

But more like:

Image by *Zara; via flickr

And I moved out of the house. And I deleted my dealer's number. And I stopped talking to everyone that still called me "canary" (as long as I did more than them and survived, they were okay; great nickname, huh?) And I learned how to cook. And I got a cat.

I don't think the lesson here is to just let your loved ones be, that they'll figure it out themselves. I hope its more that timing is of the serious essence. I'm sure the people who really cared about me watched me go up and down and felt like they couldn't say anything. But there are small things that can (and did) go a long way.

" I miss you. "

" I love you. "

" I want you to be okay. "

" If you ever need me, I am yours. "

Celebrity Doctors: Miraculous Ability to Diagnose in Absentia shows how easy it is for someone outside the situation (in this case talk-show doctors) to diagnose what the problem is. Although the article is geared towards the arrogance of Dr. Drew and the like, I think I know more than a few arrogant people in my time who wanted to make sure I knew exactly what they thought was wrong. Hell, I'm sure I've been one. Maybe I'm being one now (dundunDUN) ...

7 tips on alcoholism intervention has the essence of it down. The kicker:

" Tune in to your friend’s need and show compassion. It doesn’t help to accuse "

Trading a video-game obsession for school books from the Globe and Mail follows the classic video game addiction line (thrown in with a bit of "boys suck at school" pfft), but illustrates the positivity of having supportive people in your life, whatever role. I really believe that this is

essential to recovery and successful "intervention."

I really do believe that intervention is a gradual thing. The idea of a room filled with my peers telling me how much I hurt them would have sent me back to my dealer's place with $60. But having people in my life who are there for me, are willing to pick me up off the kitchen floor and get me a coffee and sincerely want to help makes me want to be better. And yea, having a list of numbers I could call to talk to someone on your phone so no one else in the house could hear me crying, that helped a lot.

Keeping it together

Image by isabel bloedwater via FlickrI just put out a fire at work. Not one of those office-fires where it's just an emergency that can be solved with liberal use of the words "I understand..." and "I apologize..." and "of course...", but rather one of those fires with flames. The butt-box was on fire and my desk is too close to the door not to smell it. Second time this month, but the first time since I quit smoking. My jaw is still tightly clenched, grimacing from the acrid stench that is sitting on my clothes for the past hour since I dumped my tea on the flames. There's a gross patch of tar on the sleeve of my sweater where I brushed up against the container. I kinda feel like I'm going to toss cookie.

I don't have this sort of motivation and affirmation that quitting smoking is awesome on a daily basis. Daily, I have to ask the Duder to say he will be right back, rather than "I'm going for a smoke." I have to gulp glasses of water when my co-workers parade past my desk to their smoke breaks. I have to schedule every minute of my day to make sure there is no time for smoking. I also have to work out. Which is pretty awesome.

Every other day I will go for a run and follow-up with body-weight exercises. I break it up so that my body has a chance to rest and so I don't go insane trying to find another hour on days when I already go to class for all the time that I am not working. Coupled with not smoking, I've finally started to feel great.

RUNNING
Start off super small. Get a decent pair of shoes. Use Google maps to see how far you've gone. Now is a great time to listen to books on tape - I'm currently learning about the opera (it's pretty bad-ass). Drink as much water as you want. Watch the squirrels as you go by. Breathe in your nose, out your mouth. Relax your shoulders. Cough and spit all you want/need. Sign up for a 5K in the spring and put on a hat (it's starting to get cold). Go to Runner's World; pretty much all the reference needed is here, you just have to look.

BODY-WEIGHT EXERCISES

All you need is a yoga mat, if you want the padding. Don't really need the shoes, but the same pair for running works. I got an interval timer, but only because they are super-handy, not because it was necessary. And then go to Body Rock. Zuzana is wonderful and puts together amazing workouts that are quick and sweaty. Plus she's a fox. Serious.

I tried to find some articles about addiction to exercise and fitness and couldn't find one with a tone that didn't immediately make me cranky. Fitness and exercise are fabulous. They make you feel (and be) powerful. They help you look great. And those two things are just as addictive as cocaine. Since I know myself a lot better than I once did, I know that I need to be careful with the promise of power and beauty and the euphoria of a long stretch after a long run. Watch yourself, be true to yourself and take care of yourself.

Work-out Strategies: Changing up your Fitness Routine to Build New Pathways is an interesting read about opiate addiction and fitness routine; a snapshot of a day for a woman with Vicodin addiction.

Unusual Ways to Quit Smoking aren't really unusual, but aren't bad ideas at all. Whatever it takes, right?

Addiction recovery: Healthy living tips has a great quote:

" Bad habits took time to develop; so do good ones. "

anger management

It's an issue. The best laid plans, eh? I am not running right now. I am not doing my bodyweight exercises, nor am I cooking, bathing or doing my nails. I'm trying not to lose my shit again.

There is a teeny little hole in the wall of the server room the shape of my fist. My hand is surprisingly okay.

I have still not gone for a cigarette.

Thank you stubbornness for getting me through long days, and thank you swear words for providing the eloquence I require on bad ones.

I may be in trouble at work for that hole in the wall. But I still haven't gone for a cigarette.

Eff. Eff. Eff. Eff. Eff. Eff. Eff.

and I can't make blogger obey me when it comes to images. little eff.

It's Friday!

WAT.

Combining my love of bulldogs with my love of skateboarding! Awesome!

So I am very nervous about the next couple of days. Last weekend, I slipped. He slipped. It was all a big mess of falling over and feeling like shit. My distractions for today include:

• Work out: 30min running, 10min body-weight exercises, stretch like crazy and take a bath after (1.5hrs)
• Do my nails: perfect for after the bath when my cuticles are all soft; yes, super girlie, but I love doing nails: if Duder didn't bite his all the time, he would have perfectly manicured nails and great nail-beds (2hrs)
• Make dinner: venison cutlets (the Polish kind, really tasty glorified meatballs), rice and something else that I dig out of the fridge (1hr-1.5hrs)
• Start on homework with Star Trek in the background (2hrs complete with distractions)

That will take me 7hrs. At which time I will drag Duder into bed and we will watch movies till we pass out. At no point will I (we) drink. At no point will I smoke. If I feel like I need to do either of these things, I will drop and do five push-ups. How you like them apples?

I found this today and was initially put off by the author calling habits "micro-addictions". But the "Unbeatable tips" are still pretty valid for destructive addictions. Maybe it's time to be aware that "micro-addictions" can easily become compulsions if we become too attached to them for whatever reason.

" The hardest part about changing habits is that they’re a pattern. We’re comfortable doing what we have always been doing. Even though we aren’t necessarily happy with what we’re doing, it’s more comfortable following the same pattern than breaking it. Much of this is because we get intimidated trying to make drastic changes. Overhauling your life will never be accomplished in a single day, so just take it easy. Take it one day, or hour, at a time if you need. Commit to changing your habit for just today. "

10 Unbeatable Tips for Overcoming Micro-Addictions - Zen Habits

Children and Stimulus Addiction is a good catalyst for getting my brain thinking, even if it isn't terribly unique. How could I have been better protected against addiction as a child? My mother neither drinks nor smokes, although my father did both to extreme excess (but he wasn't around). I was always shoved outside because mom didn't know what else to do with me. But I was the victim of bullying, thought I wasn't good enough because no one had time for me, and did everything I could for attention. What if you played the video games with your kids? Watched the same shows they did? Went out and played with them? Talked to their "friends" parents to communicate openly about problems? I hate finger pointing and I don't like to do it myself (most of the time) but I think that parents who complain that their children are addicted to "stimulus" need to have a look at themselves and the choices they have made for their kids. These are crazy formative times and they need all the help they can get. [end rant]

So here's to a good weekend. Sunshine, brisk winds, skateboards and bulldogs, shiny new nail polish and ground venison.

W.I.

Life changes

Image by Libertinus; CC license Attribution-ShareAlike

Part of my recovery experience is trying to identify triggers, places we go and things we do that make it harder to give up the things we used to cling to.

• Going to the bar (right, I smoke when I drink and what is he supposed to do at a bar, drink soda and ignore everyone boozing around him? awesome.)
• Going to certain restaurants (sushi with Asahi, Italian with wine, steak with whisky, etc)
• Going out dancing (with the bar right in the middle, see above)
• Doing anything on Friday nights (IT'S PARTY TIME!)
• Doing anything on Saturday nights (see above)
• Cleaning the apartment (how did I go through a pack in one day? I thought I was cleaning...)
• Sitting on the balcony (nothing like a western exposure for a smoke and a beer at the end of the day)
• After sex (this is flavour country)
• At work (9:30 break, 11:30 break, 14:00 break, off at 16:00 smokings)

I vaguely remember a line from a James Bond novel about how letting yourself fall into a daily routine will get you killed. He was talking about spies, but I can see how it applies to addicts (I hate that word. Is there a better word?)

I'm going to take some time now, break it down:

WORK

The most strongly developed routine in my life is my work routine. What I do as soon as I get into the office, my breaks, my calls, processing cheques: everything is on a timer. Since I am depended on by others and their processes to have certain things done at a certain time, I can't shift everything around (which would probably make it all easier). But I can make break-time smoke-time become break-time tea-time (jasmine green tea - damn right). I can stay a couple minutes late instead of rushing out for a cigarette, even if it's just to go to the bathroom.

GOING OUT

This one can be fun - instead of going to the same old places, hit up Yelp and find somewhere new! Make it a project to order something you've never had before at each restaurant and ask them to leave out the wine list when they bring the menus. That could probably even be included in reservation requirements if it's somewhere fancy enough. And I guess it's time to say goodbye to the bar-friends. Unless they want to come play in the park with me. Most bars (in Canada anyway) have near-beer in the fridge if you can't say good-bye for reals, but that is mighty hard to sit there, sipping fake beer, not having a shot when the call goes up, and so on. Can't go clubbing - maybe take waltzing lessons (hilarious!), organize a kitchen dance party (apartment dwellers, beware!), or even just stalking out some beach real estate to watch the waves at night (so pretty in the winter!)

WEEKEND

It's going to come. There is nothing I can do to stop it. So it's just time to adjust thinking a little. If I go to sleep at a relatively reasonable time, I can get to my favourite diner for breakfast before the line starts. Friday night is really the same as Thursday night: I still worked an entire day before beginning my social plans. Use the above strategies; sign up for a class that runs on Friday nights, or even early Saturday and Sunday; go to a museum (the ROM has half-price Friday nights!); chill in bed with your honey, a bag of popcorn and the complete season of Metalocalypse.

SEX

After sex craving? Have sex again. Lather, rinse and repeat to exhaustion. Then sleep. Maybe take a shower on giraffe legs (together!)

SPECIFIC LOCATIONS/ACTIVITIES

I don't go on the balcony anymore. I haven't in awhile. Last time I did, I was smoking. It sucks, because the balcony is beautiful, but I'm not ready yet. Instead of doing massive cleaning jags with half hour smoke breaks, I clean one thing for half an hour. That's it. I can do more later or let my roommates pick up some slack (hell, I do their dishes and wash their floors anyway). This plan of attack is defensive - avoidance. Adjustment. Recognizing my weakness and just not doing it.

I saw today that I've had at least 9 visitors. Not bad for an un-promoted blog. Anyone got other routine changing strategies?

W.I.